Are WAHMS Winning the Mommy War?

by Traci Anderson | More from this Blogger

24 Jan 2007 07:40 PM

Did you happen to watch Oprah yesterday afternoon? I made a point to tune in because the topic was one that I am deeply interested in. If you are a new mother you may not be aware of the so-called "war" that goes on between working moms and stay-at-home moms often labeled by journalists as the "mommy war". This was the topic of her hour-long program yesterday.

Interestingly, many of the guests on Oprah's show suggested that the mommy war does not always involve battling a mother with an opposing view. It often involves a personal emotional war that breaks out when we have to decide whether or not to return to work when a child is born. I've fought that battle...twice.

Oprah held a roundtable discussion between what can only be described as "staunch" stay-at-home moms, and career-minded working moms. You could almost feel the tension through the television set. In a nutshell, the stay-at-home moms suggested that working moms were not making the appropriate sacrifices to stay home with their children and that they were not putting the children's needs first. On the other hand, the working moms accused the stay-at-home moms of getting a "free ride" (assuming they have a wealthy spouse) and sacrificing themselves and their goals for the sake of their children.

Ultimately, the show ended with Oprah suggesting that regardless of what decision a mother made, they simply could not "have it all"...(at least not all at once).

What I found most interesting was that one group was curiously left out of the debate...work-at-home moms (often called WAHMS for short). So, do WAHMS have it all? When you think about the most common verbal grenades launched in the "mommy war" - none of them really apply to work-at-home moms. We are still career minded. We are available (most of the time) for our children. We are not sacrificing (as much) financially. We are not getting the so-called "free-ride" from a spouse.

In terms of the cultural battle between working mothers and stay-at-home moms, I am Switzerland. Every family is unique and every situation requires different commitments. As long as moms are doing the best for the children, I would never suggest that one group is morally better than the other.

That being said, WAHMS have the best of both worlds. Like most WAHMS I network with, my resume continues to improve with every at-home job I accept. I can attend my children's preschool events, I take them to music classes and swimming lessons and I still make a relatively comfortable living at home. I've never felt like I was losing "myself" or my personal goals for the sake of my children. I've simply changed my aspirations a bit to meet my kids' needs too.

While it would be a stretch to say that WAHMS have it all, I would like to think that we are certainly winning the "Mommy War".

Related Reading: Radical Feminism Takes on the Mommy Bunch To Go or Not to Go? Going Back to Work After the Baby is Born Don't Quit Your Day Job

Learn more about Traci Anderson

Traci is a work-at-home-mom (WAHM) from beautiful Big Sky Country (Montana). She spends most of her time trying to keep up with two extremely energetic (but hysterical) Irish twins.

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indylaw99 (6) 26 Jan 2007 09:12 AM

While I am sorry that I missed this Oprah, I am glad that Traci wrote about it. The tension between the SAHMs and moms who work outside the home has always bothered me. Why don't we support each other more. I do believe that WAHMs have the best of both worlds, but only if we make the effort. Because we do not have as much time to make friends in playgroups and also do not have traditional work "colleagues," I think it can sometimes be harder to have a network of friends. In addition, neither the SAHMs or the moms who work outside the home understand what it is that we do and tend to put us in the group that is opposite theirs.

Julie Gentry (5915) 29 Jan 2007 03:17 AM

Frankly, if I could have the "free ride", I would! If we were wealthy, I'd spend 24/7 playing with the kids. Being a WAHM isn't about expanding my possibilities for the future; it's about paying the bills. If I truly had the choice, I can't imagine choosing ANYTHING over time with my family. But I live in the real world :-).

Andrea Hermitt (5512) 29 Jan 2007 11:24 AM

I am not wealthy, but I don't have to work. I however, LOVE TO WORK. I just love homeshcooling more, so I am a WAH-HM (Work at home - homeschooling mom). For me this is the best of both worlds as well as security in the fact that I won't go insane when the kids grow up and leave me.

Mary Ann Romans (26886) 01 Feb 2007 11:23 AM

I think it is so amazing that whether we stay home, work at home, homeschool, work outside or any combination, we all get it done. Mothers are incredible at prioritizing and multitasking.

Sara Denomme (1063) 01 Feb 2007 01:39 PM

Free ride - Hmph. Thank you for this article! I contribute a sizeable amount of value to the household, and while money is a very important part of life, what I give my kids by being a WAHM is worth far more than money. I have been on both sides, because when my first was a mere six weeks I returned to work full time as the breadwinner of the family. I know how it feels to be providing a free ride for my other half, and I do my best to offset the fact that my current partner pays all the bills by being a wonderful mother and a commited partner.